Isn’t it true once a mother always a mother. However you get to a point where your motherly duties start to become less essential and you start to feel a bit redundant. Children start to put more importance on friends and careers. You become a taxi driver and then they get their licenses or move out and you even lose that privilege.
Everyday you are bombarded with visual images of skinny young creatures wearing next to nothing. You know you want to be stylish and wear clothes straight from the runway but this abused body is never going to pull that off. The disappointing feeling of wearing ‘mumsy’ clothes is overwhelming. I never thought I would be caught wearing the stuff I have found in my wardrobe. Either the budget did not extend to buy beautiful clothes or you did not have the time to go shopping in places which suits your style. Shopping?… when you have a football match and a hockey match on same day in two different directions. God what is shopping? So slowly we descend into frump and where does this leave you. It leaves you looking in mirror at a person you do not recognise. A person with no personal meaning. A person who does not think about herself. A person who has decorated her house according to budgets and family restrictions . A person who does not know what she likes to do with her time. Bloody hell what is time? I don’t even know what holidays I like. So coming back from this hole it is time for me to shine my little light or sparkle like I used to but in a mature meaningful way. or should i shine a great big spot light saying,”Here I am”
Going back to my younger years for inspiration was no help because I cant play hockey anymore. I cant wear those skimpy little clothes anymore. I don’t want to go to local festivals and sit in a field filled with mud and drunken hippies. I don’t want to go to raves and dance all night on crocky knees which means I wont walk the rest of the week.
So I start to make some moves on getting a career back. I can paint surely that is not too difficult to get up and running. So much has changed and I haven’t a clue who I am except that i am a mother. So this is a blog to document the emergence of a woman into an artists life that has moved on into technology, social media marketing, networking, curating, production, fulfilment, public engagement… and that is besides creating the work itself. Artists work really hard and never switch off because we live our jobs. We are expected to run our practice like a business and if you don’t have the money to pay someone to do it you learn how to do it yourself. And why do i work these long relentless hours.. because it ignites a fire in my life.
I don’t resent being a mother. In actual fact I loved being a mother so much that I disappeared into it. I don’t resent having a house that shows their finger prints. I don’t resent painting pictures with my kids and using washable paint instead of oils. I loved going to football, tennis, cricket, hockey, swimming, ballet… I loved listening to my daughter sing. I loved watching my son build lego. I would never change these years but now I feel out of touch. Life has changed, art has changed and most of all I have changed. I hope to discover me through my art and document this discovery of this exciting and crucial moment. This is to me…coming back.
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